Reply to How to handle SIL's concerns/feelings (a topic involving race)

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm an Asian American man and while I can understand how parts of Virginia would make her uncomfortable, I agree with the PP that this is less likely to be about your parents' hometown than about your family.  I have had racist encounters in Virginia, including NoVa which is much more liberal than the rest of the state.  That said, I would never want to live in Virginia, but I have no problems visiting there.  We have friends in NoVa who we regularly visit (pre-pandemic).  We travel regularly to other parts of Virginia including Charlottesville, Richmond and Williamsburg.  Even though I would not want to live in these areas, visiting is perfectly fine.  For the most part, even some of the more conservative, racist folks are quite polite and nice.  The type of racism I have encountered are more about people who will treat me differently or like a foreigner (even though I'm American born) or condescendingly, rather than being rude, offensive or aggressive.

OP--I would talk to your brother privately and ask him if there are behaviors in your family of origin that make her uncomfortable and if there is anything you can do to make her more comfortable.  She may not be able or willing to articulate the problems herself (Asian culture tends to want to avoid offending others, so she might feel it it is better to avoid your family rather than speak up), but she might tell him as her husband what bothers her about his family.[/quote]

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