Reply to Dealing with jealous sister who's still TTC

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry, I just don't agree. Yes IF is gut-wrenching. I was IF for years before. But as grown women maturity is expected to take over the initial swell of emotions such as jealousy. It's what separates us, or should separate us, from children, animals, and uncivilized people. And so why is it okay to cast unhappiness about our own lives on others?

I'm not speaking to my sister as a way to protect myself. Frankly, its also to protect my child too as she is comparing her child to mine constantly and fostering competitiveness between them.  It gives her less ammunition and might actually be reducing the drama. If I shared information with her about my life the comparisons, the snide remarks, the comparing of our children, too, would just get worse.

I think the jealousy she feels is the cause and at the core of what makes the entire family feel uncomfortable. Maybe an all out discussion in front of a therapist and the family might be a good thing to resolve that. But now that would be real drama. [/quote]

OP, here is the thing.  The core of family therapy is the understanding that problems do not boil down to one family member- problems are co-created.  You each have your role in this drama, I don't see you in any way trying to understand your own position in the trouble. We are not talking to your sister, we are talking to you- you can only change your own behavior.  You have found a way to isolate your sister by colluding with your mother.  You need to stand on your own two feet and deal with your issue independent of drawing other people into your conflicts.  No one is expecting you to have a close relationship with your sister or even to "get along" with your sister.  It's perfectly fine to let your mother know how you feel and your concerns- but expecting her to "side" with you and actively help in deceit is just insane! this is not a kindergarten sandbox- this is your family.  I think most posters on here are suggesting you to take the grown-up approach.  If you think refusing to tell your sister you are pregnant is somehow going to prevent problems- I think you are in for a world more of trouble.  You asked for advice, you got it, now it's up to you to figure out what you want to do.  Personally, I think you came on here looking for more sympathy- you don't really want to solve the problem- you want to continue to retaliate against your sister's behavior.  You outline her problems like you are talking in court to a judge and want to prove how terrible she is.  I think if anything you are disappointed that no one is holding your hand right now and baby-ing you through this.  time to grow up.[/quote]

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