Reply to If you grew up with violent or addicted parents and now have a happy family life, do you get angry?

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband's dad is vicious BPD, so my poor husband grew up with terrible emotional and verbal abuse.  Add on that his parents were immigrants who both worked long hours and were totally uninvolved except to harp on any perceived shortcomings, and it's a nightmare.

Our family life is wonderful.  He made a firm resolution to be everything his parents were not.  He is an affectionate, doting, involved, firm father whose children adore him.

As for his parents, time and distance has given clarity to what really went on when he was little.  There is still a lot of anger, but also a lot of understanding and forgiveness...unspoken, however.  I respect his need for distance and avoidance.  He knows I am always on his side, always have his back.  Even a small amount of time with his parents is very draining, though.  And it's getting harder to hide their faults from our kids.

Forgiveness--even when undeserved, unacknowledged, and unappreciated--is very unburdening.  "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.". By grace, even the worst suffering can lead to good things, like a warm and loving family life for your own children...[/quote]

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