Reply to If you grew up with violent or addicted parents and now have a happy family life, do you get angry?

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Reply to "If you grew up with violent or addicted parents and now have a happy family life, do you get angry?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, I get angry, but I try not to dwell on it. My parents are still alive, and I see them once a year. They divorced when I was four years old, but they reconnected and moved in together when I was in my mid-20's. They're 78 and 83 now. My father is an alcoholic and used to be physically and mentally abusive. He doesn't drink very often now, but he still has a wicked tongue and can be very ugly. He's on his best behavior when he's around me, because I won't tolerate it.

I have tried to understand the dynamics of battered spouse syndrome, but it has actually become more difficult to do so, since having my own daughter. When I was younger, I always sympathized with my mother. When she reunited with my father after being divorced for 20 years, all of my siblings had a difficult time with it. After all, none of us could understand why she was willing to go back to someone who caused so much pain for all of us. My feelings for my mother are mixed. I don't really paint her as a victim, but it's hard for me to blame her, due to her own upbringing and insecurities.

Their relationship created a long legacy of dysfunction, and all of my grown siblings and their children have paid a price. I was the lucky one, because I was so young when they divorced. Still, I have had my share of issues with relationships and self-esteem, making my journey a rocky one. By far, I'm the most accomplished and balanced of my siblings. They still suffer, and it angers and saddens me if I think about it.

Therapy helped a great deal. I'm now in a stable, happy marriage with a man who honors and loves me. He's the kind of father I wish I had had. I try to be the best mother for my daughter and strive to instill her with self-love and respect. She'll have a much better chance than I did.

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