Reply to *tw child loss*: what to say to someone who lost a child?

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Reply to "*tw child loss*: what to say to someone who lost a child?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I've dealt with this. People vary, so there's no single right answer but there are a couple of wrong ones and principles to rely on here.

Definitely do not avoid them and run away.

Definitely try not to ask "how are you doing?"

In fact, don't say anything that presumes anything about how they are doing. "I can only imagine what you're going through," makes them think, "no, you can't." "I hope you're doing ok," makes them think, "why the F would I be doing okay?" And anything faux-comforting, especially with a religious angle, will usually fall flat. An "at least he is with god now" kind of thing is just...not good.

But in my experience, don't worry that you're somehow "bringing it up." Believe me, they're already thinking about their child, every minute, every day. It's not like they were having a rosy day until you offered condolences. And ignoring it with "normal" small talk only emphasizes it if it's such a recent loss.

So where does that leave you? Offer your sorrows and condolences, and leave it at that. If I ran into these people in the grocery store, the way you've described your relationship to them, I'd say, "Jill, I am SO sorry for your loss. Johnny was such a beautiful, special kid, and you have our condolences." If they talk, then talk. If they say thank you and quietly look down, then take your leave and say you'll be thinking of them.[/quote]

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