Reply to *tw child loss*: what to say to someone who lost a child?

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Reply to "*tw child loss*: what to say to someone who lost a child?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My sibling died. I think if you did not have a meaningful relationship with these people in the past then you should greet them warmly and precisely as you would have greeted them before.

My mom often talks about how she felt branded with a scarlet letter and could not feel like herself because the spectre of my brother hung over every interaction.

If you end up in a situation where you have been talking longer than a standard small talk interaction, at a playground perhaps, and there is a lull in the conversation, then perhaps finding a way to speak the child's name would be appropriate. And you should be prepared to quickly divert from that if she seems unreceptive. For example:

You: Oh Hi Mary, it is so nice to see you
Her: Yes nice to see you too how have you been?
Y: We've been great, this weather has been something huh?
H: Yes for sure, sad about that game being rained out last week
Y: Yes Tommy was excited to play it was a bummer
<natural silence>
Y: I wanted to say that we all miss Sally very much and I have been thinking of your family every day
<she seems to struggle to respond>
Y: Oh hey Larla get down from that ladder! Have you been watching Love Island? That is such a trash show but I am addicted

In that scenario you have given them an out while still acknowledging it.

Try to interact in a way that allows them to choose what type of interaction it will be. But if you're passing each other in front of frozen pizzas, just smile, say hello, and ask about something neutral. Show you are not afraid of them, but do not drop a bomb of grief on them to create a permanent negative association with DiGiorno. They are trying to do something normal, help it be normal. [/quote]

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