Reply to When dating someone divorced when do o you ask why they split

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just know you will get “his/her version”.

[b]If he/she cheated, they will say their spouse did.[/b]

If he/she was a pr@ck, it will be the other one that was.

A lot of people carry their same issues into the next marriage, particularly the ones that are blameless.[/quote]

So if you were cheated on, how are you supposed to answer this question?[/quote]

+1.  DH cheated on me with many women -- prostitutes, work colleagues, craiglist randos, etc.  How on earth do I talk about why I am divorced?  AFAIK, we had a good sex life (3-4 times a week), but he told me gigantic and detailed lies, which were only revealed by my accidentally stumbling across something.  I followed the thread and unraveled everything, protected myself and the kids, etc.  I've taken quite some time to settle myself and the kids (full custody to me).

Am I undateable because people think his cheating is a reflection on me? If I tell this story, do people really think that I was the one doing that cheating?  Do they really think I'm telling only "my side" of the story?  What on earth is the "other side" of a story where the DH is cheating with dozens of women over the space of a few years?[/quote]

Yes. It sucks.  Betrayed spouses are constantly stigmatized, even long after.  Society assumes you were frigid or something was wrong with you.  It's highly common to have a sex life like you describe and be cheated on.   It's what's wrong with the cheater.

I just don't see any woman that got caught having an affair and dumped telling future dates that the reason was for her extramarital sex/lies.  They most likely will say their husband was emotionally abusive or the classic 'we grew apart'.

OF course, this just makes it harder for the good people that were screwed over and deceived.[/quote]

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