Reply to WWYD? or what should I do? Boyfriend crying

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Know that he may always cry about his late wife, that isn’t a reflection on how he feels about you.

Don’t worry about triggering anything, we’ve all lost people and pets, and part of that process is knowing how to live in a world where people talk about their dogs, their dogs, ttheir spouses, their parents and sometimes even their children.

I’d be more concerned with him canceling a date with you.  You are a girlfriend, so you kind of just have to go home and… sit.. and wait for him to reach out.  I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who treated me that way. 
It’s fine to cry about a beloved person who is  no longer in our lives.  It’s fine to talk about a person who has passed on.  It’s fine to say to your girlfriend “If I’m quieter then normal, I’m not mad at you”.

Canceling plans is not fine.. nobody is forcing him to date, nobody is forcing him to date you, this isn’t middle school where you are forced to work in a group to do a project.

The older I get, the more I realize how I want to be treated. There is no reason why he couldn’t have watched the movie with you, or said “I’d like to go outside and enjoy the day” or even “I need to be alone, go enjoy yourself, I’ll talk to you this evening” and then actually did that.  He shouldn’t make you feel that there is a topic you can’t discuss and you have to literally wait around for him to get back to you. He isn’t a boss telling you if you can go home, don’t treat him like one.

Sending you home and expecting you to just sit and wait wouldn’t be something I’d put up with. 
Like it or not, grief doesn’t give him a pass to treat a woman who is coming to love him poorly.  As the girlfriend, you have no authority to say “I think you/we need to see a grief counselor”.  You’re expected to accomidate him.  Find out what you are willing to put up taking his loss out of it and go from there.

Canceling plans with a romantic partner on a beautiful Sunday would trigger me to say “I think you need to talk to someone”. That’s the only triggering you need to worry about here. [/quote]

Holy crap! You need to relax. I agree with you there are better ways he could have communicated his needs with op, this sounds like this is a one off not a pattern. People aren't perfect sometimes we get overwhelmed with emotions and aren't our best selves don't always say exactly what we should. I would hope someone I'm seeing would give my enough grace to be flawed sometimes.
I think op should give him another chance this is an opportunity to grow closer. Unlike some I think she should ask if anything in particular brought on the tears. Was it an anniversary? Then op can know in the future he might be extra sensitive around the date. She can also let him know  that if he's ever not feeling up to it he can be honest with her he doesn't have to hide..

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