Reply to My Ex is Constantly Punishing DS

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Umm Dad sounds abusive and it’s not within his rights to hit him. Maybe you are too permissive but Dad sounds like a nut case whose time with kid should be limited.[/quote]

The problem is that some of Dad's behavior is in the grey area, and some is really good parenting (in fact, something OP could learn from)

Telling a 10yo that they are responsible for their own breakfast and lunch is good.  It teaches responsibility.

[b]Telling a 10yo they are bad at something and should quit is bad.  Dad needs to be more supportive.
[/b]
But since OP listed all those things together, it just feels like she doesn't [i]like[/i] Dad's style of parenting, which is probably part of the reason they are divorced.  But its nothing that really warrants any type of intervention[/quote]

Op here again. Telling a 10 year old to prepare his own food is teaching responsibility, doing that in retaliation because DS pissed you off, is not. It's punitive and sends the message to DS that if he isn't people pleasing or perfect, essential things can be withheld from him. That's what I don't agree with. It's not the idea that OMG DS has to make a sandwich when he's hungry and dad is on a call. It's the message behind I don't like how you behaved, therefore I'm not making you food.

But you have a point, I clearly don't like X's overall parenting approach, and that's something I need to deal with. What I was looking for is how to do I support my son so he doesn't internalize these messages and take them as proof that he's a "useless or a failure" as he recently keeps referring to himself. Things I would never call him. [/quote]

PP, oh yes, sorry.  I misread your initial post.  I thought that was just "the rule" in Dad's house:  he must make his own breakfast and lunch.

If he stops making breakfast and lunch because of some behavior on your son's part, then that is wrong.  That's punishment, not teaching responsibility[/quote]

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