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[quote=Anonymous]I have two brothers who are older than me.  We are there for each other no matter what. One SIL hated our side of the family and wanted my brother to only associate with her side of the family. It put my brother in a horrible situation and any relationship we had with him was like walking on eggshells.

Sadly, she passed away unexpectedly a few months back in a very sudden onset of aggressive cancer. It is very hard because my brother is suffering and of course he and I respectfully don't talk about her hatred for our side of the family. Even more tragically, a number of SIL's side of the family also unexpectedly passed away last year and so the support network and the extended family that my brother had is no  longer there.

I am trying to build upon my relationship with him and check on him pretty often.

Even though my SIL was very nasty and angry in her last few years, it was very depressing for me because I did not understand why she had changed. I wondered if she was having strokes that we did not know about. She gave all of us anxiety because she was very aggresive and horrible in the end. It was very hard to cope with that. And so we all withdrew so that she is not angry or abusive to my brother. We did not want her wrath triggered towards my brother and we wished him happiness with her.  In some ways, I also blamed my brother because he neither explained why she was angry nor he stopped her from being abusive towards us.  My brother is a very mild person and a good person. I feel bad all around and I wish she was still alive (even if estranged from my side of the family) and with my brother, because he has to face life alone at 62.

I am close to my other SIL. She is a very neutral person and  she came in the first SIL's crosshairs, once I withdrew completely. She also is sad that this person who is no more changed so suddenly and the relationship soured.  It is frankly very frightening.

I hope my brother heals and any rifts that is in the family also is closed.

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