Reply to Advice welcomes - single parent getting a terminal diagnosis and I'm far away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Someone told me that I would might resent the time I spent caring for my mom but I would never regret it. [/b] She passed away last Fall.

1. As soon as your kids are out of school, go see your mom now with your kids and do something fun (beach, hang out and watch movies, etc).  Your mom, your kids, and you will cherish this time while she is still able to enjoy your company.  Let your kids have nice memories.  And if you can, do things she needs help with, get her affairs in order, help her get rid of stuff, stock the pantry, etc.

2. Start planning short solo trips now.  At least once a month.  If you can see her with the kids and the whole family in June, then plan a weekend trip in mid-July.  Repeat until things get dire and you need to take time off.

3. Tell colleagues at work your mom is dying and that it is likely that in the next year you will have to take some time off through the FMLA.[/quote]

This might apply to parents who don't use emotional manipulation and who can manage their anger, but to be honest I regret that I did not put my kids first and I regret they hadf to witness such monster-like behavior. I told I am making sure there will be plenty of money to hire me help and if I treat them terribly I give them permission to not visit. I think it varies how people age and for a kind, loving, mellow and empathetic parent I do think it would have been a gift to be there and I could still be there for my kids because I would nto have so many emotional hangovers from the behavior.[/quote]

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