Reply to Serial cheaters: Can/Do they ever change?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They may not be able to reform their cheating ways, but they can nevertheless make loving and supportive spouses and fathers who will always remain committed to their families.  I know one such man, cheated on his fiancee during their years-long courtship and engagement, cheated throughout the marriage, continues to cheat now into his 60s, BUT he is an incredibly supportive husband who loves his family dearly.  That marriage is still going strong after 26 years and thress older children.  The wife (or husband) simply has to be willing and able to put the suspected cheating out of their minds for it to work.[/quote]

This is actually disturbing. Was the fiancé/wife aware of the infidelity and decided to work through it? Do they have some type of agreement? [/quote]

I have no idea.  Though I am friends with the husband and he has been forthcoming about his affairs, he respects a boundary when it comes to discussing his wife.  He loves her and I have never heard him say a critical word about his wife, quite the opposite, he has always sung her praises.   I have not asked whether she knows about his affairs throughout their 36 years (marriage plus dating and engagement) , but she must suspect something,  how could she not?  If so, she has put those feelings aside and decided that the benefits of this otherwise good man far outweigh his weaknesses.[/quote]

Just FYI, your friend is a sociopath.

Also, you state that you have "no idea", yet you go on to make an assumption that the wife has put her feelings "aside" and "decided that the benefits of this otherwise good man far outweigh his weaknesses"? WTAF?

Your posts are bonkers.
[/quote]

The man is a friend that is almost like a brother to me and my siblings because our families were very close and we grew up in the same neighborhood,  attended school together and were in the same grade.  He is hardly a sociopath but rather one of the most empathetic and sympathetic individuals and friends you could want.  His profesionally successful and lovely wife and happy, well-adjusted kids would be the first to tell you what a supportive, helpful and loving spouse and dad he is.  He builds people up daily in word and actions.  The cheating is an aberration in his personality and I should clarify that many years (e.g., 6) can go by without an affair.  He is in a profession that is sometimes associated with infidelity because of situational circumstances.

The only reason I assume his wife must suspect something is because I am a wife myself and when my own husband devastatingly cheated on me, the suspicion of that manifested itself in every ounce of my body even before I knew.  I do not condone my friend's behavior -- we've discussed it over the years in the way that people who are almost like siblings can -- he knows it is wrong, he feels bad about it and has tried to change, he risks his marriage and family, not to mention the pain he has caused other women, but he cannot quit, though as I say the affairs are further between as he gets older.

Perhaps his wife has never suspected a thing, or maybe they have some sort of arrangement to look the other way on these sorts of things (she is from a different country than he).  I do not delve into her thoughts or what she may or may not know, and he of course must know but has never offered that information.[/quote]

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