Reply to Help for DW who was abused/neglected as a child and who is struggling parenting?

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Reply to "Help for DW who was abused/neglected as a child and who is struggling parenting?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not being able to stand child-related noise isn't a problem in and of itself:  Teach the kids to be quieter.

You've posted here a bunch about your wife and her depressive issues.  Somehow, it comes across as condescending a lot---she isn't living up to your idea of the perfect parent, she isn't as attached to the kids as you think of as ideal, she doesn't do what you think she should.  I for one would like to hear her side of it---that would be living with someone who is never ever satisfied with what she does, who openly belittles her on forums, whom, I suspect, subtly puts down her efforts at becoming attached to the kids.  Gee---I wonder why she quit trying so hard?[/quote]

OP here - when you have lived with someone with undertreated mental illness and are trying to raise healthy kids in the household you can judge me. Many people have expressed concern about DW's functioning both in relation to the kids and otherwise. I only wish it was falling short of an "ideal". She has a hard time minimally functioning, esp as a parent and treating the depression hasn't really improved that difficulty. It's both interacting with others and just getting through the day. She barely remembers her childhood so it seemed like a possibility that it could be part of the problem. She has nightmares and a kind of panic response to normal everyday things. She seems to be getting worse. I so wish that it was all about me being an asshat.

Wow, I can't believe the nerve of some people.  I'm not the above poster-  ouch, sorry you had to read that.  I don't have much to add other than to say you have my sympathies because my MIL had a childhood like your wife's.  She was abused by her father and oldest brothers while her mother pretty much sat around and did nothing (a victim of domestic abuse herself, I'm sure)-- and then she died when MIL was quite young.

One thing that was really rough for my MIL was repressed memories followed by having a major breakthrough in therapy.  FIL left her around this point.   I can understand it-- I'm sure it was incredibly difficult for him to deal with, and they were very young (but had 5 children, eek).   Anyway....long story short- stick with her and help her seek out therapy options.  Even if it involves some in-patient time or some kinds of retreats or whatever.   You won't regret it.   And good luck.  [/quote]

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