Reply to Help for DW who was abused/neglected as a child and who is struggling parenting?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here, for those who have insight/knowledge, people have described DW as seeming "panicked", "catatonic", "withdrawn" and "shut down". She used to cry quite a bit. The crying has almost disappeared and sometimes she looks slightly better but the descriptions have been in all kinds of settings, at a playdate with the kids, at a dinner with family friends, out running errands alone, etc. She has started going to therapy but it has focused on depression and thinking patterns. Since starting she has seemed to have nightmares more often. I don't think that that there was physical abuse in the family but emotional abuse and neglect. Her parents are very cold with a thin fake smiley veneer. They seem pretty indifferent to people. A sibling was molested by a babysittter. There was a lot of chaos.

Since startng therapy she has become more unpredictable with the kids, she recently left a playground when she was annoyed with one not wanting to leave. She stayed in the parking lot but they didn't know and were scared. She was gone for close to 10 minutes before she walked back. She told the therapist about it and he expressed concern but there was no plan to keep it from happening. It's really impulsive when she does this kind of thing now, it's like a flight reaction, she bolts. The therapist specializes in depression and said he has no soecific experience with trauma or abuse. When I expressed concern she kind of minimized it and didn't seem to get how the kids felt and kind of felt justified. I'm not sure if it was bravado but the kids seem wary of her and don't want to go places with her. I am very glad that she is going to therapy but wish that it was making things more stable. Instead it's the opposite and there is not even a goal of stabilizing the family in her individual treatment. This seems like more than just depression. She is really disengaged from the kids and more interested in parts of her life that don't involve any of us, although folks at work have expressed concern too. There is something very wrong. I am very worried and just don't know where to turn. Trying to pick up the slack while waiting for the next shoe to drop is really stressful. The person I married seems ot have disappeared into herself.[/quote]

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