Reply to In LTR with affair partner; exh struggles

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, I am a child in this situation and I would say no, it will never be the same.  My mom's AP has been with her for 20+ years now, but my dad still freezes him out and my sister and I decline to treat him as a family member.  It is very, very awkward to have an affair within your friend group.  I found out on my own initiative when I was 16 and it swiftly blew up my friendship with the AP's children, that I had had since infancy.   The whole thing is embarrassing and my mom has never taken responsibility for it.  She wants us to act like a big happy modern family, but the lies and deceitfulness don't just go away because the liar wants them to.  The whole thing was traumatic and continues to be a pain.  I don't wish my dad would be nicer, I think he is well within his rights to be cold to his former friend.  I wish my mom would stop pressuring us all to accept her AP and just accept that we won't and let well enough alone.

My dad is remarried to someone he met later, who I dislike for unrelated reasons, but I put up with her because I think I should.  I don't feel the same obligation to an AP, ever.[/quote]

OK, thank you for this. - OP[/quote]

Oh, and also, the dumbest thing about it is how my mom tells everyone she's just such good friends with my dad's wife.  Meanwhile my dad's wife knows about the affair and criticizes my mom to anyone who will listen.  See how embarrassing and stupid this is?  Kind of like you claiming you have a good relationship with your ex and his GF and it's water under the bridge to your ex.  Clearly it isn't!  You are engaged in wishful thinking here and need to open your eyes.  His GF being nice to you for the kids sake is probably just a facade.

What is your long term plan here?  LDR forever?  Because if you try to bring your former AP into your kids' lives in person, they will quickly perceive that something is seriously wrong and it could really affect the parent-child relationship.  Kids don't take kindly to finding out their mother betrayed their father.  Marital problems yada yada, they won't care about your rationale.  All they will learn is that Mom and her BF are untrustworthy and willing to mistreat Dad, and they will be forever on their guard. It's really harmful to a child to put them through that, and make them carry the burden of awkwardness for as long as you are with your AP.[/quote]

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