Reply to Was your mother a "yeller," how did it affect you?

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[quote=Anonymous]My mom was a yeller and verbally abusive.   And she never expressed any affection or positive feedback at all.   Those two together completely suck.

I SWORE I'd never yell at my kid.    But as hard as I tried, there were times I did yell (not abusively, not calling my son crap or useless, etc.  But raising my voice because I was mad).   I couldn't understand why I could keep it together when mad at my boss or my husband, but not my kid.  For me, at least, it's because I just can't leave a small child there and walk out.   If I have to get the four year old in the car to be on time to school and work, I have to do it.   And I get REALLY frustrated.

I've been able to calm a lot of it down using 1, 2, 3 Magic.   That works about 90% of the time and helps keep my "need" to yell under control.  I also try to set up our lives so that the super-frustrating things don't happen.  Or I at least try to minimize them.   For example, I allow plenty of time in the morning to get ready, so if we are delayed by my son's laying flat on the floor in defiance, I'm much less likely to flip out about it.

And when I just can't help it, I've been able to "rewrite the script" of what I say.   I don't yell at him and tell him it's somehow his fault (through whatever word choice).  Instead, I tell him that "I" am getting really frustrated.  "I" am feeling very angry.

This isn't perfect, I know.   But it's worlds better than what my mother did.   And it's much better than how I used to be just a year ago.  [/quote]

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