Reply to Has anyone left a narcissist?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Where to even begin? I fell like I have to constantly walk on eggshells with him. Never quite know what mood he will be in. Blows up at any perceived slight. Very self-centered, self-aggrandizing but really hiding a very fragile ego (as I’ve learned). Useless with kids though he had to convince me to have them! Secretive. Doesn’t believe he is accountable to anyone. [/quote]
and...most likely he is having or had an affair.  Goes with the territory of what you have described.[/quote]

You are right! I caught one confirmed affair and evidence of another inappropriate relationship. I’ve been too scared to leave because it will be ugly. But then again, living like this is also horrible.

I don’t have a great support system because I am too private to discuss with friends and family. [/quote]

So what therapy did he do after he was caught?

Did he want to change?  He sounds like “not”.  If there wasn’t serious individual therapy for him, severe remorse and a deep profound/want to change his way of coping/thinking and to align his values with actions/live authentically...he just might be a narcissist.

My spouse was a completely different person and threw himself into therapy after revealing the affair.  So much happier, better with the kids, no flying off the handle or selfishness...our needs are always first now.  If everything remained like it was and he was a prick—it would be over.

Best of luck. [/quote]

I think he was surprised I found out the first time. I insisted on a joint counseling session with him after D-day after I went alone. It was pretty useless, he just sat there with his arms crossed. Therapist noted he didn’t seem terribly cooperative or forthcoming with information. Impossible to get anything out of him. I stopped going with him after that. I don’t see a deep and profound desire to improve his relationship with me or the kids. Most days he floats in and out as he pleases. He will take naps as he pleases. Forget about helping with homework or teaching the kids his native language. He grumbles about taking the kids to their activities. He’s got a job that involves a lot of socializing so he always has a ready excuse if he does not feel like being home.I met with lawyers and have a few I can call but it’s complicated.

The second time - he doesn’t know that I know but once I pieced things together I knew something was amiss (seems like he went on a trip with her) when I was traveling with the kids. I thought it was useless to confront him so I didn’t.[/quote]

Yikes! I’m so sorry.  Mine started individual therapy on his own initiative. I refused to do couples therapy with him.  It sounds like he doesn’t think anything is wrong with him.  Classic narcissist.[/quote]

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