Reply to Parents- tell me about your friendships with childfree people

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Interested in hearing from a child free late 40s woman about what I did during this time to maintain the connection? [/quote]

Mid-40s and childfree here (married 20 years). I was a bit nervous about this when my friends started having kids. Mostly I was worried that they would change and that they wouldn't have room for me in their lives any more. Fortunately, that didn't happen at all. My friends are still themselves, though they've grown and changed in entirely expected ways. If anything, they became more themselves, if that makes sense. The key, I think, was truly welcoming their kids into our friendships, and getting to know the kids on a deep and genuine level. And changing expectations about what would constitute 'hanging out' - basically realizing that activities didn't matter, their company did. So I hung out and talked with them during kid stuff, spent one on one time getting to know their kids, and continued to love and support them even when I didn't understand. I'm really glad these friendships lasted - not only do I still have my dearest friends, I get to watch them as parents and get to know their children, which has been rewarding and fascinating. [/quote]

To add to this, I have zero expectations about one-on-one time with my parent friends. For example, if I go to visit my childhood best friend, who is a SAHM to two young ones, I assume we will be doing kid stuff the entire time, with me helping or staying out of the way as needed. This is great - I just want to hang out with her and catch up on her life. However, her husband (who has a high-pressure, long-hours job) almost always kindly takes kid duty for an evening so that we can go out solo. I appreciate this beyond words, but it's never expected. Flexibility and respect is key. I ask my parent friends what works for them (my house or theirs, best time to come over, whether to help or entertain myself for a while), and always follow their lead. They are also flexible and welcoming, but know that I am not going to add to their work or stress, and I think this is key to them genuinely wanting to spend time with me. [/quote]

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