Reply to Unpopular Opinion: I'm not concerned about whether my kid will grow up to resent me

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[quote=Anonymous]There's a big grain of truth here, but it's also a bit absolutist. "Kids will resent you no matter what, so do whatever you want."

I don't think you should make decisions with future possible resentment at the forefront of your mind-- for sure. But just because kids will resent you for something, no matter what you do, doesn't mean the quality or quantity or validity (!) of their resentment is of no consequence.

With or without effort, you can end up doing everything in a way that fits your child 95% of the time, and they may still resent you for that 5% at some point (this really does shift throughout a child's life as they gain different perspectives). But I'm not sure that means it's therefore laudable not to consider how they feel about some of your potential life choices or how you spend your time.  Some of what is being framed as their future resentment is actually... things they may be feeling and struggling with NOW, but they are too young to articulate them. At age 6 or 8 I would have told you I have the greatest mommy in the world and I only wanted maybe a little more time with her. As a very young adult, I resented her leaving me with my depressed dad so much. Now I have even more perspective and I wouldn't say I resent her-- but we could be a lot closer, too. And I use the feelings I really DID have at 6 or 8 to help guide some of my choices with my own kid.[/quote]

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