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[quote=Anonymous]1) You need to be seeing someone for yourself. Grief counselor, regular therapist, something. You are clearly struggling emotionally (no judgement!! I would be too!!) and there's clearly lots of baggage here. But I can see just from the way you're lashing out at people on this message board (yeah, some people are mean, but it seems like the vast majority are just trying to give you advice based on what little they know) that you're not doing okay.

2) Accept your limitations. Your sister has POA and is his health guardian and lives close by. There is very little you can do to overrule her here. Sucks, especially if she's making bad decisions, but it appears to be the reality.

3) The only potential path that I see is to do a bunch of research yourself, and present an easy, fully thought out B plan that she could fall back on. If you could present her with something like a "I understand you want to bring him home. You know I disagree, but that's your decision to make, and I'll support you however I can. However, if it ever becomes too much, I want you to know that you have an option. I have found XXX facility. They have openings, the cost is easily covered by his estate. It has X, Y, Z features that I think he needs and A, B, C features that I think he'll like. There is no need to do anything right now if you don't want to, but here is all the information, and if you ever want to discuss this further, I'm here to help." Might not make a difference now (heck, it might make things worse now) but it's likely the day will come when she can't take care of him anymore, and having this Plan B ready and waiting will be a godsend for both of you.

4) You say money is not an issue. If that's the case, can you arrange for 24/7 nursing care in his home? That might be the best of both worlds, and take some of the pressure off all of you. That's what my husband's family had to do when his father was no longer capable of attending to 100% of his ailing wife's needs, and while everyone fought it for a while as "unnecessary" or "too much" - it quickly became indispensable.

You're in an incredibly tough spot, and I wish you the best. You'll be in my thoughts. [/quote]

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