Reply to How do I know if my child has special needs, or is just a difficult, brat of a kid?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous](I hate the word “brat” but used it in the subject so it would fit.)

My son is 5, almost 6, and we are searching for answers and coming up empty. We just aren’t sure if we should treat him like he has special needs, or crack down on his behavior. These behaviors we see at home. He is occasionally difficult at school but is otherwise ok. This makes me think it’s a parenting problem, not special needs, because you can’t be special needs only at home. We don’t know if we should be more strict, or more forgiving because he’s having trouble.

He NEVER listens. Ever. It’s a constant battle: “I’m just going to”...he never, ever listens.

He tantrums over small things (and big things).

He is unpleasant, lacks empathy, rude. He’s also very immature and doesn’t act appropriate with peers.

We had him tested with the public schools and he only qualified for PT services, which we knew. [b]We’ve brought him to a development pediatrician and he said he has anxiety.[/b]

Any guidance appreciated

[/quote]

This sounds like a diagnosis - do you have a reason to doubt it? What did the dev ped say for how to deal with your child’s anxiety?  [/quote]

It is a diagnosis I suppose, but the anxiety doesn’t cause the rudeness and not listening.[/quote]

Yes, it can. It should also inform how you respond.

For my borderline kid, it’s way easier to treat him as SN.  That doesn’t mean letting big things slide at all - it means using different techniques to get the desired result (a human who can get along well enough).  [/quote]

Can you please elaborate? What do you mean “treat him as special needs”? What are big things?

I am STRUGGLING! The anxiety is obvious in him, but his behavior is TOUGH.[/quote]

My kid isn’t anxious (has other stuff) so I don’t have too many specifics to offer.  Just recognize that anxiety causes irritability, anger, and refusal to do things sometimes.  By big things, I meant that we still insist on respect, kindness, hygiene, etc - treating him as SN doesn’t mean just letting him run wild.  For my kid, it is ensuring he gets a crazy amount of sleep, almost no screens (we had to quit DL), and regular snacks.  Consequences don’t work for him / they just get his back up and make him dig his heels in more.  So we use them very sparingly and always with neutral emotions.  Rewards are better for him, but the best thing is explaining enough to get him on board with the task/rule.  It’s exhausting at first but if he thinks the rule/task is important, he is way more self-motivated to comply.

The book Duct Tape Parenting was most helpful to us - it’s about letting your kid do things he is capable of (including chores) and the positive changes in dynamics that happen when your kid sees himself as competent and helpful in the family. [/quote]

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