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[quote=Anonymous]Dear OP,

I struggled with anorexia and bulimia from 16-22.  While I have to be sure that I don't over-think my weight (get too caught up in being too thin, gaining a few pounds, etc.,) I am recovered.  It took LOTS of therapy, a couple of hospitalizations (less frequent now than in the '80's when I dealt with this) and some medication -- we did not have SSRI's in the same ways we do now so Wellbutrin (now a great option for bulimia) wasn't a choice.  I then have had to have therapy to "grieve" what I lost; it is still sad when I realize how much of my life I devoted to destructive behaviors that nearly killed me and that totally wrecked my family at points.   I have not disclosed this part of my background to friends and colleagues since I left graduate school; as the mother of a young girl, however, I now struggle with wondering when to share the story with her (if to share the story) and more significantly, when/whether to share it with others as an inspiration to say you *can* conquer the demons; you *can* beat it; you *can* reclaim your life; you *can* find ways to define yourself and your relationships that do not involve body image and food.

There are some very good therapists in Bethesda/Chevy Chase.  If you are interested I can private message you those names.

My strongest advice to you:  get into therapy. Accept that short-term medication may be necessary to help you clear some of the cobwebs that are preventing you from grappling with the issues at the root of the behavior (and also, remember that at this point you are overcoming addiction and "hardwiring" of cognitive function so it will take time).  Realize that you truly are a beautiful person and that yes, while you have lost time to a disease that has come to define you, you can reclaim yourself and your life.  I know you don't want to live like this.  I really do.  I also know how hard it is to let go of the disease (and I realize that those who have never struggled with it won't understand why I say that).  If your spouse/partner does not know, find the courage to share it with him/her (you will need therapeutic support before doing so -- it's scary, I know).  Take deep breaths and find ways to distract and affirm yourself while you are transitioning to your new life.  (I had to do crazy things like paint my nails while I was in a bath in the bathtub because that meant I was "trapped" and unable to move for an hour so as not to mess up my nails and that got me through some of the cravings -- again, people who have never struggled with the addiction will have no idea what I'm talking about but trust me, bulimia and anorexia have so much to do with perceptions about appearances that not messing up a manicure comes to matter in bigger than life ways).  Finally, if you can find a good support group moderated by a trained therapist, do it (too many become places to trade war stories).  If you need help, come back here.  DCUM has its moments, but it also can be helpful when it's supplemented by the right medical care for issues like this).

Good luck, OP.  You can do this.  I used to read "The Little Engine that Could" to my godchildren before I had my daughter.  It was an emblem for me of how I overcame the diseases (although the children didn't know that).  It can be your story, too.[/quote]

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