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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have thought about this a lot lately. I see in movies and TV all the time women friends who are so blunt and honest with each other, offering unsolicity advice all the time, etc.

In real life, it seems like nobody actually wants or likes this. It seems like in real life the best thing to do is always just listen and only give advice if the person asks, and even then, be really cautious and gentle.

I think for me one reason I don't like being on the receiving end of this "blunt" approach is that I don't really trust anyone and don't feel like they know the real me. I feel like I'd be okay getting it from a therapist. I'm definitely okay getting it from my husband. But from friends I'm like, who do you think you are? And I've gotten the same response when I've been the "tough love" person in the conversation.[/quote]

I mean, the reason you see that a lot in TV and movies is that the "best friend" is often a plot device designed to move the action forward or create tension. Or these dynamics are played for laughs, and one of the reasons you laugh is because on some level it's shocking for someone's friend to tell them their wedding dress is ugly or that they're never gonna make it in the ballet world so it's time to call it quits. But in real life, of course that would not be funny. Because that's someone actual wedding dress, their actual professional dream. You can't just trash it for laughs and expect people to roll with it.

Also, movies and TV shoes are often about dramatic moments in someone's life. The pivotal moment of a friendship or relationship, a life or death situation, etc. In reality, that probably is a very good time to get real and tell people what you really think. Most of us don't exist in those moments all the time. I might appreciate a "come to Jesus" moment from my best friend if we're in a hospital waiting room about to get bad news from a doctor, if it's useful. I'm not gonna be as excited to hear it from that person twice a week over drinks when I'm just trying to wrap up my graduate program and figure out if this is a good or terrible time to have kids. In the latter setting, I do just want support and kindness and the occasional sounding board. Not tough love. I get enough "tough love" from life.[/quote]

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