Reply to Something I don't understand about criticism of big families

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm from a large family. I was born the youngest and my older sisters were 10 and almost 15 yrs older and I had brothers 2, 8, 12 and almost 14 yrs older. My oldest sister was regularly left in charge of all of us. They spit milk in the ears of my brother 2 yrs older than me. My sister wanted to give me a bath when I was 6 wks old and didn't have the sense to put me someplace safe while she prepared the bath so she put me in the bathroom cupboard and I rolled over (according to my mom I was rolling at 4 wks) and fractured my skull. They put me on a hot burner and laughed at me when I cried that it was hot and my diaper was melting. (The burner wasn't on, but it was still hot from being recently used.)

The fact is kids don't have the experience or common sense to be left in charge of small children or babies for any length of time regularly. Kids are by nature dumb. And sometimes mean. And sometimes pissed off that they have to be home babysitting.

When my oldest sister graduated HS and moved out at 16, my next sister was left in charge. (My parents divorced around this time and my oldest brothers went with my dad.) She is generally an angry bitter person and was even as a kid. (I haven't spoken to her in 3-4 yrs because she hasn't changed even as a 40-something adult.) She would ignore my brother and I, lock us out of the house etc. It was miserable having her in charge. And she was miserable.

Fast forward to a month before my 8th b-day and my oldest sister was murdered by her estranged husband at the age of 22, leaving behind a 7 mo old who my mom and step-dad adopted. Like my sisters before me, I was left in charge of her only in my case I was taking care of her 40 hrs a week in the summer when I turned 12 or 13. I had no better skills than either of my sisters did and this child was really really difficult to deal with. On top of it I was expected to get dinner on the table and whatever other household chores my mom wanted done. I did get paid, but it was something like $1.25 hr.

When my step-brother got his then 15 yr old girlfriend pregnant (I was 11) their baby spent weeks at a time with us b/c the parents weren't ready for parenthood...guess who had to take FULL care of that child every day after school? Me. While my mom sat on the couch watching TV. Who had to miss school when the baby gave me scabies? me again. Granted I loved that baby, but I'm not sure assuming full responsibility for her when I was 11 yrs old was developmentally appropriate for either of us.

I think all of us would have benefited by me (and my sisters before me) having fewer obligations to raise the babies my parents took on. I think it's entirely appropriate for kids to help out around the house, help out with the siblings and even babysit for a FEW hrs a week but I don't think it's in anyone's best interest to have a child caring for a child w/o parental supervision. I am a nanny now and I love kids, and I certainly credit my family life with teaching how to (or NOT to) take care of kids but I think an adult should be in charge, not kids. If Grandma is too old or infirm or busy or whatever, then hire a babysitter, even if it's part time.[/quote]

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