Reply to FIL with dementia demanding to “go home”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel for you OP.  Both of my parents - my Mom about a year before she died and now my Dad -- although not so much frequently -- insisted on "going home" ....   sigh.  For us to insist that they are home (and they were/are) would only create an agitated argument.   What did work was to engage in a sort of round about not disagreeing conversation:

Dad:  I want to go home.
Me:  Ok.  Wow -- going to be a lot of packing.....
Dad: Oh
Me:  I guess you would have to change doctors.  oh boy -- Dr. Somebody is so good.  It's great he is your doctor.
Dad:  Oh

So you get the idea -- the point is not to argue.  Just agree and try to diffuse.   It worked with us..... mostly.   I remember my mother insisting I go get her suitcase and "tell your father we need to check out of this hotel to get home...."

It's like redirecting a toddler.   It's hard, I know.

I agree with getting a care manager.  We have the same one that worked with my Mother -- so my Dad really trusts her.

Good luck.[/quote]

DP but can you recommend your care manager? Or share how you found them?[/quote]

My parents are in New England.  My sister found the care manager when our Mother needed care.  I'm pretty sure it was just through an ad.  Then it turned out that the care giver's parents and my parents went to high school together.  (Sometimes a small town can be a great thing!).  My Mother passed away in 2007.  Since then the Care Manager has stayed in touch with my Dad -- taking him out to lunch every couple of months.  He still resisted care when he needed it.... we had to ease it in.   Now he has 24/7 care - still in his home - which I what he wants.  And we are very lucky that he can afford this care.

[/quote]

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