Reply to Would you not marry someone because you didn't like his parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]So it's not a huge thing, no, but all the little things add up. I look at the possibility of married life with my BF and think of all the good things we can have: lots of fun, togetherness, kids. But then I also see the weekly Sunday lunch with his parents (which stretches long into the night since she won't let us leave), the drop-ins at our house, and a whole string of holidays, birthdays, and special occasions in which she is trying to control everything and nagging at me and my daughter and I feel so tired. [/quote]

I think before you decide one way or another you should work to establish the boundaries you think are acceptable.  This early in your relationship, it will seem like this isn't a big deal but as the years go by, the effect of your ILs' behavior is cumulative and you and your DD will suffer and/explode.  I get angry just listening to your description.  How dare they!  It's not the comment about 'we got you a present and we didn' have to', it's the constant correction and comments.  Not acceptable and I feel sorry that your DD has already been sujected to this.  It shows that it's acceptable to treat her this way.  Is that a lesson you want her to carry with her to her significant relationships?  How will you feel when you witness her DH or ILs do to her what your future ILs are doing?

Perhaps it's just your phrasing but your statement that "she won't let us leave" causes me some concerns as well.  It doesn't sound as if you, yourself, are comfortable setting boundaries.  If your BF doesn't want to leave, he can return after he drops you off at home.  Under no circumstances should you all her to control you or nag you.  I know you really want this to work with your BF but it will only get worse until this IL situation is resolved.  I know how exhausting this is as I've been through it myself.  The PP is correct that your BF thinks of this as 'normal'.  What a shame.  Don't let it become your DD's norm.[/quote]

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