Reply to Help me untangle feelings about SIL

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thanks.  I really really do not give unsolicited advice.  The closest I ever come is the example I gave.  And at this point when my brother asks me advice I usually tell him that he should talk to his wife instead.  And I am well aware of the clutter factor so [b]I try to send things that are small or consumable[/b] (like bath bombs for nephew) and I always include in my note that anything they don’t find useful they can just donate.

Honestly I kind of feel like “why can’t you just lie to me?”  If I send a gift you hate, why not just say thank you and quietly donate it instead of going out of your way to tell me “Yeah, I have been wanting one of these from X brand but Y brand will do for now, I guess.”[/quote]

Small is in many ways worse, because there's more of it. More of the clutter to deal with.

OP I know you mean well and giving stuff is your way of showing you care (my sister is like this) but it's truly not enjoyable to others to have to deal with clutter. Especially if your SIL has articulated that the things you send are not necessary. She is not just being polite.

Send her something she can actually use, if you must send something - maybe a gift card to the grocery store. It may seem "thoughtless" to you, but I assure you it's actually much more thoughtful to her than a charm bracelet. Many, many people find it work and a burden to deal with gifts they do not want. 
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