Reply to Help me untangle feelings about SIL

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So I am single and childless but I have worked for over a decade with young children.  My brother and his GF had a surprise pregnancy and got married and had my nephew, now a toddler.  I genuinely adore my SIL.  She is so smart, kind and is a wonderful wife and mother.  That said, I often feel like she doesn’t much care for me.  Even though my brother is constantly asking me for parenting advice, when I offer even a small tip or idea to SIL she always either tells me why I am wrong or more often tells me that she already knows.

Example: They were going on a trip so I ordered some mini figurines of characters from nephews’ favorite show.  I mentioned to her that a fun activity is to wrap little toys like these in several layers of aluminum foil so it takes him a long time to unwrap and he can rewrap and playing with the wrapper becomes it’s own activity.  She said. “Yeah, we do that all the time.”  I said [b]“Oh I should have known you would know all the best toddler activities.”[/b]  She said “That’s like the first thing that comes up when you google sensory activities.”

The other stress point is that I am a gift person.  I love to shop for presents for others and spend a lot of time and energy trying to find nice things.  Not only has SIL been kind of blasé about gifts in the past (e.g., I spent a lot of time choosing charms for a sterling silver charm bracelet symbolizing different milestones in her first year as a mom and she never even mentioned it until I asked if she had opened it yet).  She recently sent a long email to all family members saying basically that they are not interested in getting random presents for my nephew and included a link to an online wish list of approved gift ideas.  I get why they might not want a bunch of miscellaneous toys and presents for him, but a) everything on the list is very expensive (like they asked for organic cotton training pants that were $20 a pair) and b) I just can’t help feeling that it was basically a way of saying “your presents aren’t good enough.”

So: tell me how much of this is that I am being oversensitive of crazy and how much is real. And tell me what to do about it.  Is there any point in discussing things with her?  Do I just bite my lip?[/quote]

The bolded came off to me as pretty passive aggressive.  If she doesn’t want your tips or gifts, why do you keep offering them?  I think this is more about you than her. She has a toddler, it’s a lot, she’s keeping her toddler entertained, she’s probably not worried right now about what her husband’s sister thinks about her. [/quote]

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