Reply to Help me untangle feelings about SIL

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Help me untangle feelings about SIL"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I had kids before my sister did.  When mine were young, she kept sending me all these 'tips' and 'ideas' that were from 'something I read online' or 'all my (her) friends are talking about this'.  It was well meaning, and I get that she was just excited to have a small child in the family, but it drove me nuts at the time.  Like she didn't think I was capable of doing my own research, or had my own friends to talk to?  Or that her reading online somehow trumped my own personal experience?  It honestly felt like just one more instance of my big sister thinking she knew more than me, even about my own life.

The combination of your age difference and your experience with children (but not having your own) might make her feel like you are constantly judging her from the outside.  It's partly her insecurity, but offering 'tips' doesn't help.  And if your brother comes back to her saying 'hey my sister suggested X, Y or Z', that won't help either.

You're on the right track with not offering suggestions.  You can take it a step further by asking THEM for advice.  This could backfire if you're overbearing about it, but a casual question or two thrown in during normal conversation can really help show that you respect them as parents.  "Hey, I heard about this new thing and was thinking about trying it for some of the kids I work with.  Have you tried it, or do you know anyone who has?"  "What is (nephew's) favorite toy these days?  My friend has a son the same age, and I need to find a birthday present for him, any recommendations?"  Regardless of your words, SIL has the impression right now that you think you know more than they do.  That may be totally unjustified, but try to look at it through her lens and see if you can correct that impression. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics