Reply to I'd like to hear from anyone who's happy to have decided to give up on their parents

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Reply to "I'd like to hear from anyone who's happy to have decided to give up on their parents"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, children have a psychological need to idealize their parents so we can feel safe with them.  Part of growing up is learning they cannot protect you from everything they are not perfect etc.  For most people, though, their parents did do their best to protect and love them, even if not perfect.  Parents may drive us a little bonkers but their imperfections are really not harmful.  Your parents failed to protect you.  Your father abused you.  As wonderful as you might dream he may become, he abused you.  Totally unforgivable in my opinion.  I would NEVER speak to him again.  Moreover, your current relationship with your parents continues to be harmful to your psychological well being.  You can certainly mourn the relationship and parents you never had but it is time to stop holding your breath for it to happen.  I cut off my dad (luckily my parents are split and my mom is pretty great) when I was in my 20s.  Did it make me sad? Absolutely.  Do I wish I had a great relationship with him, that one day he'd realize what a jerk he was etc? Yes.  But my wishing only hurt ME.  It prevented me from living in reality and moving on with my life.  I am so much happier not longing for some fantasy that was never going to happen.  Moreover, I never want my children exposed to that longing and disappointment.  To the extent I can control the people in their lives (obviously this won't last forever), they will not be exposed to people who aren't loving or protective of them or ME!  You must respect yourself enough to accept and tell yourself, "I got a bad draw on parents; this is NOT my fault.  But I don't have to let them continue to hurt me.  The damage in the past cannot be erased but the damage in the future can be prevented."  Also, please NEVER NEVER NEVER let your father alone with your child/ren.  And if you have siblings with children, you MUST tell them what happened so they can exercise the same caution.  Molestation most often occurs within families with someone who is trusted.  Imagine if your nieces or nephews were abused like you were because you hadn't said anything.  Horrific.  [/quote]

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