Reply to When you don't like a person in your broader friend group, which is the best way to handle?

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Reply to "When you don't like a person in your broader friend group, which is the best way to handle?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Somewhat informal poll, just curious where people land on this. Assume that you have a bigger friend group where everyone is a mutual friend, but there's one person who just don't like. Maybe it's just her personality rubs you the wrong way, or maybe she did or said something you found personally hurtful. Regardless, you don't like her. Do you:

1) Tell people you don't like her, and make it clear to her that you don't like her (not friendly in person, do not invite to things you organize, etc.)
2) Tell people you don't like her, but act friendly to her face and treat her as you do others in the group (i.e. include in group invites, etc.)
3) Keep your feelings to yourself, act friendly to her face and treat her as you do others in the group
4) Keep your feelings to yourself, but make it clear to her that you don't like her (not friendly, no invites)

I am firmly in the #1 camp but it is controversial, I know, and viewed as "drama" which everyone claims to hate. But I'm just someone who is honest about how I feel about people and I'm not going to go around pretending that I like someone I really don't, whether she's in the room or not.

What say you?[/quote]

I say you're a bitch.  You really can't suck it up and be polite to your friends' friend?  You can be polite and friendly to her without being fake and pretending you're best friends.  Being honest doesn't mean sharing everything you think and feel.  I can't stand people who use "I'm just honest" as cover for being unable to manage basic civility.  The world is a nicer place when people are nice to each other, even if they aren't friends.

Plus, if there are two people in my group, and one of them talks about others behind their backs and is rude to them, I'm going to pick that person to drop.  Because if you're rude to her in person, it makes group gatherings more uncomfortable and unpleasant.  And it's also uncomfortable and unpleasant to listen to someone slag on someone else who isn't there.  So your behavior will make people feel uncomfortable, and unless you are bringing something amazing to the table, or unless everyone else agrees with your assessment of this person, they are going to drop you, not her.  If you make people feel like they have to take sides or choose, you'd better be pretty sure they're going to choose you.  [/quote]

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