Reply to What is wrong with my parents?

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[quote=Anonymous]My dad is like this too. He never calls me and when I call him (rarely these days as it’s just draining and not fulfilling at all) he just goes on and on about himself and things as you mentioned like his neighbors (who I don’t know) or some movie he saw (that I haven’t seen), etc just nothing we can both talk about, doesn’t ask questions about me/my kids/my family, and if I do try to talk a bit about myself/the kids, he tends to cut me off quickly. He shows very little interest in us. The only things he seems to enjoy talking about [i]with[/i] me instead of just talking [i]at[/i] me are when we talk about are house/car problems I’m having...he likes to share his knowledge and try to help me figure out solutions if there’s something around the house or something w my car that needs fixing. So I usually wait until I have a question/problem I can seek his advice on before I call or I wait until I’ve seen a good movie or read a good book I know he would enjoy so I can recommend it to him and feel as though I’ve contributed something as I feel like that’s the only meaningful connection or chance of back and forth actual conversation we have...it’s sad.

I do think it’s his problem and not mine bc I don’t have this issue w anyone else in my life (my mom and I never run out of things we both want to talk about, my in laws it’s the opposite problem of them just constantly asking me questions and not talking about themselves, my grandmother only calls when she wants to hear about the kids and she doesn’t ever want to talk about herself I practically have to drag any info out of her!).

I think there’s a few things going on: my dad is not a little kid person so he doesn’t delight in hearing all the cute/funny things my young kids do, he never really enjoyed being a parent to young kids so he doesn’t have an interest or any advice to give about kid stuff/parenting which is pretty much my whole life at this point, plus he’s always been self absorbed and kind of conceited, he’s never had a lot of friends and lacks social awareness, plus he always claims he doesn’t want to ask people questions bc he doesn’t want to be nosy/intrusive (which I mostly think is just an excuse for his lack of interest in others but is also kind of valid as it’s something I am very aware of too...I don’t want to ge perceived as nosy so I’m careful in what questions I ask people and careful about boundaries).

Mostly I think the pp who said narcissistic boomers has it right although of course each individual is a bit more nuanced than that.[/quote]

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