Reply to Does anyone else dealing with an elderly ill parent feel like they have an abuser in their life?

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "Does anyone else dealing with an elderly ill parent feel like they have an abuser in their life?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I get it. It wasn't until my elderly mother threatened to kill me and ended up with "homicidal ideation" in her medical records that anyone took me seriously. Now everyone wants me to be sad that she's dead, but I actually just feel like I'm not walking on eggshells for the first time in my life. A weight has finally been lifted.[/quote]

This really resonated with me. Caregivers are really treated poorly sometimes by both the medical community and the patient and there really is not a solution to some of this. First you figure out, is this dementia or mental health issues. For example one of my parents became quite verbally abusive and even threw something near me, while caring for the other parent with help. I made it clear to everyone involved I was highly concerned this was either dementia or mental health issues and needed to be addressed. I got a lot of "yes, care-giving is stressful." When dementia was ruled out nobody would help me convince this parent to either get more help or have my other parent go into a facility. I backed away and said parent started taking out rage on others and suddenly people woke up some. This parent passed the dementia tests.

Dementia would make all the more complicated because we are supposed to blame the dementia and not take it personally. So you have caregivers enduring the abuse trained to de-escalate, but still they quit because you can only take so much. And then what is the solution? Medicate them just enough so they are not cruel and then the med needs constantly change as new health issues arise.

It's so complicated and women are often the ones expected to do and expected to suck it up and we become the targets too often of not just the parent, but of relatives and know-it-all siblings who think they can give orders from afar. I think more leaders need to see this all upclose. Maybe we need more people doing reality clips of what it is like and not these adorable people on tiktok who seem to be so well behaved and sweet even with Alzheimers and dementia. I look at those clips and cannot relate at all.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics