Reply to Is it culture thing that parents do not talk about kids (not in front of them)?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think it’s a combination of people being very insecure (and not wanting to admit they have worries or that they struggle with anything) and also “toxic positivity” which is this American habit of always insisting everything have an upbeat outlook.

Not everyone is this way, and I actually started vetting friends in part on their ability to both be real about their own life and willingness to hear me be real about mine. I think the insistence that you only say positive things about your family is so fake and ultimately damaging, because it means you are stuffing the hard things down deep to put up this front. I also hate the sense that I am being judged for struggling when of course everyone struggles sometimes.

Also, I’m a writer and I hate trite, bland speech and anecdotes. And that’s what happens when people insist you only say upbeat, positive things all the time. That’s why the word “thrive” is so overused with regards to kids, and why it’s obnoxious when people talk about being “blessed”.

Some people are so conditioned to talk about their kids this way that they get confused and upset when you say something nice about your kids in an unfamiliar way. Once I was telling a colleague that having our new baby in our house felt like having some magic urchin wander in off the street and start living with us, because the baby had such a strong and joyful personality from the very beginning and we were often struck by her presence in our lives, like “Where did you come from?!” But the colleague was flustered when I said this and scolded me and said “You should feel lucky.” Which is exactly what I was saying, just with different, more interesting words.

Most people are dull and kind of dumb.[/quote]

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