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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, if your DH is doing all of these things, he is certainly emotionally abusive. Also, as PP pointed out, he's gaslighting you, which is another form of emotional abuse. I don't think you can reasonably expect things to work out with him - not with the level of abuse you describe.

[b]Get recommendations for lawyers right away. Your DH fights dirty now? If I were you, I'd expect him to pull out all the stops on your divorce, and prepare accordingly: make sure you get the best lawyer possible who's skilled enough to deal with difficult personalities like your DH.[/b]
Good luck, OP.[/quote]

This. I ended my emotionally abusive marriage 2 years ago this month. It was incredibly, incredibly difficult. If you've been together for a while, you have a long, hard road ahead of you. Be prepared for things to get worse and the accusations to get dirtier. But it will get better eventually and it is absolutely worth it. Just get ready for a nasty fight. My XH accused me of being mentally unfit, called CPS on me, harassed our pediatrician until he dropped us from the practice, hacked into my email and FB accounts, harassed my friends and family, had cops follow me around, lied to everyone about it all. It was awful.

Find yourself a good counselor. You need to get strong. Don't try and get him to realize what he's done/is doing, he will never understand. My XH lives in an alternate universe and once I accepted that his moral code was different than mine and most everyone else's, it became easier to deal with him because I stopped trying to explain myself, change his mind, whatever. It was wasted effort that I should have been using to protect myself and my child.

A few things I've learned in the past 2yrs: Emotional and mental abuse is incredibly hard to prove. The courts don't care because it's often not documented. Get your lawyer and counselor on your side, but don't waste time or effort accusing him in court. It also has very little bearing on custody/visitation, because it's hard to prove and it's primarily directed at you not at DC. He will get visitation/joint custody. Know that upfront and try and make the best of it. He will never change. His tactics might, but he will never acknowledge his role in any of this. It is your fault, it will remain your fault in his head. Always. Just accept that.
You cannot control what he thinks, does or says. You cannot influence him either. You can only control what you do. And he has no control over you anymore. You are getting away.
He operates on manipulating your emotions. So when you're dealing with him, you need to take emotion out of the picture. This is where your lawyer and counselor can help you. Get cold. Get firm. Get a very, very detailed custody order in place. Ignore anything not directly related to the issue at hand.

It's hard. Incredibly hard. The first time you stand up to him or push back, you're going to want to throw up and give up. He's going to make you want to give up. Don't. It gets easier the more you do it. Not easy, I still want to puke when I see my XH and we've divorced for 2yrs, only married for 17mo.

You can get through this. Good luck.

For PPs who are questioning why she's not certain: When the person who says they love you and know you best tells you over and over again you're wrong and unworthy, it starts to sink in. After all, they know you inside and out and love you, there must be some truth there, right? Emotional and mental abuse is incredibly insidious, it chips away at your belief in yourself. [/quote]

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