Reply to Would you have a baby with little to no support system?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well I had a child and discovered my support system was crap, so yes? Love my kid, and glad I have her, so I guess another yes. But not going to have another one specifically because no I know how people can just kind of disappear when you need them most, or can look at a new mom trying to make it work and think only if their own issues. I can’t have another kid knowing what I know now, especially because it would just screw over my existing child.

Oh, and I’m married and my husband is a good, involved dad. So I have it better than some. But your DH can’t be your whole support system. They’re a new parent too, they need support too. You need people outside your immediate family unit. We thought it would be our family and friends; we were incorrect.[/quote]

What exactly were you expecting from family and friends that a 2-parent household with a single child couldn't do? [/quote]

I had postpartum depression that my partner did not recognize because he was struggling with the transition to fatherhood in his own way. I definitely needed both emotional support and practical guidance from people outside our family unit. We paid for our support system but we definitely needed one. It was somewhat surprising to me how not helpful friends and family were. I have always done things like bring food, run errands, and offer to visit friends when they have a new baby. When my nephew was born, I flew across the country and got a hotel so that I could help my sister and her husband with household chores like laundry and walking the dog while they focused on the baby and my sister recovered from a c-section. It was surprising and disappointing to me when no one offered that kind of support for me.

The idea that new parents should be able to handle it on their own is a very American invention that isn’t even practiced by that many Americans. Most communities recognize a need to support and care for families with new babies.[/quote]

Ha, we were the first of our local friends to have kids (and for a long time the only ones), and no one did any of this, nor did it ever occur to me that anyone would because none of my friends had ever been pregnant and had a baby while I knew them. (Had some friends who'd had kids before we met.) Also didn't have local family at the time. And yeah, it was very tough. Second baby was much easier because my inlaws had moved down by then, but also mostly because we knew what we were doing with baby care. I had never held an infant or changed a diaper before my first was born.

I used to think if I wasn't married by 35, I'd have a kid on my own. Having now had 2 kids (and gotten married before 35, haha) I would NEVER do this unless I had multiple family members in the area and knew for sure they'd help. Kids are tough. Love'em, but they take so much work, especially in the infant/early toddler stage. [/quote]

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