Reply to How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Over the past few years, DW has put on quite a bit of weight.  Probably 30-40 pounds.  At first, I tried to be understanding about it, but over time, it has caused me to start to feel resentment.  It is very unappealing to me, both physically and from the standpoint that I think letting yourself go does not reflect well on a person.  How do I deal with this in a gentle manner?[/quote]

In those past few years did you guys have any kids? And following those pregnancies/nursing did you ensure your wife got enough time to prioritize her diet and recovery and get PT if she needed it?  So many women I know have gained weight after children while they’re desperately trying to keep up nursing on little sleep and their diets inevitably suffer.  I don’t mean diet like “weight loss” I mean “high quality nutrition not the muffin you just inhaled because you’re starving and don’t have time to poach an egg before the baby wakes up”.  So if you weren’t right there making her nutritious food and ensuring she had time to exercise and get sleep, you let the team down.

Make sure your wife has the time and the resources to prioritize her health.  Get a housekeeper or cleaning service and make sure she has several hours daily of free time.  Offer to join a really nice gym together (something like equinox or similar so the experience is enjoyable) or purchase a Peleton if that’s something she would enjoy.  Do not police her food or her exercise.

And though your wife’s weight may change with diet and exercise, the kind of personality flaws that lead you to write on an internet board that you find your wife unappealing will probably require more work.[/quote]

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