Reply to Three kids - when do you spend one-on-one time with each one?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You don't.[/quote]

I think this poster is being mean, but as a mom of three, she has a point.[b] I don’t agree that massive amounts of one on one time with a parent is healthy - I think it leads to entitled kids.  So while you need to make sure everyone has what they need, that isn’t the same as everything they want.  
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You are in a transition time now, so focusing on one on one time might make sense while there is a new baby in the mix. But as the kids get older, maybe they don’t need as much solo time with you as you think.

To help with sibling jealousy, I also made sure the older ones heard me tell the baby, “not now, baby, I am with your sister. I will help you when I am done playing with her.”  Even if baby was asleep/happy at the time. Made the older ones realize that I DID pick them over the baby sometimes, which helped with the “you never have time for me anymore” feeling. [/quote]

This is really sad. I don't think anyone except maybe a SAHP to one child is giving their kid "massive" amounts of attention that becomes unhealthy for the child. I think one on one time builds strong relationships with parents. If you can't meet your child's needs (what they think they need, not what you decide is a need vs. want), then you are overextended and need more stable caregivers for your children.[/quote]

I think PP has a good point that 10 minutes a day of "special time" (I'm using the phrase I got for it in a book) where a parent spends 1-on-1 time with a kid doing a child-led activity is really enough. With 3 kids, that's 30 minutes a day. It's not huge. For OP, the baby already sort of gets it. Give each of the older kids 10 minutes.

Or, OP, I've also seen a suggestion to let your older kids stay up hanging out with you 20 minutes past bedtime on the numerical day of their birthday every month. So a kid born on the 5th gets to stay up every 5th and hang out with just parents. Blowing by bedtime for 20 minutes a month won't totally mess most kids up and is a special thing to look forward to.[/quote]

10 minutes a day with your child is pretty sad.[/quote]

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