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[quote=Anonymous]It sounds to me like she's just busy and forgetful, and probably lots of things in her life fall through the cracks, and that's just who she is. Ie, she's not "weaseling out of paying" she's just forgetful.

It also sounds like all your conversations with her about this have been micro: "hey, you still owe me for the beach" "hey can send the money for the gift" "can you buy this gift" etc.

If all that is true, it's time to zoom out to more of a macro conversation.

"Hey Larla. I've** noticed a trend where you are happy to go in on group gifts and activities, but you often don't pay me back for your share. Or, if you do, I have to keep hounding you for the money. I hate having to do that, and I don't think it should always be my responsibility to coordinate and then remind you. It's made me not want to go in on gifts and trips with you. Is there a better way we could be handling this? I hate having money come between us, but I'm honestly starting to get a bit resentful."

Then see what she says. She probably hasn't noticed the pattern, and pointing it out might really move you up on her priority list.

**I've used "I" here instead of "we." If you and your other siblings have discussed it and you can decide on a joint message, that's reasonable, but if it's going to say "we" you better be damn sure everyone is on board. [/quote]

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