Reply to Should we get a nanny?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Most grandmas in this area are too old to fully care for a mobile toddler full time safely and engage them. Yeah some do it esp in multi generational homes but they shouldn’t be doing it and I see them struggle with it.

My grandma cared for her grandkids but she was in her early to mid 40s when they were born, which is a whole other ballgame. [/quote]

Exactly.  My grandmother was 44 when I was born, and my great-grandmother was 68.  My grandmother was down on the floor with us, crawling around and having fun.  My great-grandmother could walk with us, but when my brother was 3, she was 75, and she could no longer pick him up at all.  If my grandmother hadn’t been there, we couldn’t have stayed with her.

It’s not just about age though.  My grandmother taught PE for pre-K through second grade, and she was constantly moving, showing the kids what to do and running with them.  My great-grandmother had already been retired for a few years before I was born, and she had been an upper elementary teacher in a time that allowed her to sit at her desk at least half the day (she was a great teacher, but the way she taught was very sedentary); she had never been active by choice.  My grandmother ran around the playground with us, pushed us on swings, played tag and hopscotch with us and generally was just as active or more than we were.  I wouldn’t have a single doubt in my mind about hiring someone 55-70 who was as active as she still is (81 now) rather than someone 30-55 who is more sedentary.  Within the last 5 years, her range of movement has decreased in one of her arms, but I would still trust her with babies and toddlers; her activity and love for children makes her uniquely qualified to keep up with kids, when most grandparents just aren’t.

The only issue I’ve ever had with my grandmother and young children relates to discipline, which can easily cause issues whenever you have any relative caring for your children.  She’s old school, and if nothing else is getting through to a child, she still believes in soap in the mouth (swearing and disrespect), a spanking (running away from the adult and other disobedience at home) and hitting a hand (safety issues like reaching for sharp knives or a hot stove).  She’s willing to listen to me about food and everything else, but discipline is one area that she reacts without thinking, so even though she knows my views, it won’t change.  I’ve found this to be the case with many, many people in older generations, especially if corporal punishment was the norm for them and they saw it also with friends and family.

If you want your MIL to do this, be sure you understand that she will do whatever she wants.  Your discipline, food choices, toy choices, educational goals, it all stops at her front door.  You need to remember that she is Grandma, not a nanny.[/quote]

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