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[quote=Anonymous][/b][b][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Being checked out can be dangerous.  It is hard to butt out when you fell used.  [/quote]

Is this OP?  If you feel used than stick up for yourself.  This has nothing to do with the other mother and the kid's issues.  It has everything to do with you and your inability to set limits on the playdates.[/quote]

It sounds like this might be the problem.  Perhaps if you don't feel comfortable telling them they can't come over ... or if the problem is they come over, and the dad and your husband leave you with all the kids to deal with you could do one of two thing:  1) get out of the house yourself and leave your husband to deal with it, or 2) arrange to do something elsewhere with your kids then welcome the dad to come over and he and your husband can hang out with the kid .... Either of these scenarios will at least give you a break, and most likely reduce the number of visits where you are being treated like the babysitter. [/quote]

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