Reply to stepfamily and inlaw issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Taking your own grandkids who are sixteen and up on a trip is one thing. Adding three younger stepkids you barely know, may not be as good at supervising etc - that is very different. 16 and 21 year olds can go off on their own, etc

Drop it. Do something fun with the kids that week. Can they go to their own grandparents that week?

Also, did your parents give the stepkids equal gifts?[/quote]

This.  Traveling with three additional younger and more needy kids is too much to ask of elderly adults, period.

You need to get over the idea that everyone has to cater to your divorce and remarriage and insulate the kids from it.  This isn't your in-laws' problem and they did give your kids reasonable gifts.  You chose for them to be stepchildren and step-grandchildren and have a stepfather who won't go to bat for them.  [/quote]

The stepfather appropriately went to bat for his children, parents, and sibling.  Let’s not pretend he let anyone down here.[/quote]

I think the stepfather's position is fine.  But the OP is married to someone who does not share her views on stepfamily obligations.  OP, it was your choice to bring your children into that family's culture and have someone with that viewpoint as their stepfather.  [/quote]

Should the wife give 'her kids' bio-father' *nicer presents* than her current husband because her previous husband is her 'bio-childrens' daddy'?  The blood-money can run both ways.  The step grandparents are trying, and succeeding, in demonstrating that the new wife is 2nd-tier, by way of making 'her' children an example.  When new wife's children apply to college, both of her husbands' financial info will be expected to contribute to her 1st husband's' children's tuition and expenses because her kids now have TWO LEGALLY BOUND FATHERS.  The step-grands have many options available to them to hide their preferences and (secretly) lavish (money) it on their bio-grandchildren.  The special gifts will get bigger and bigger until the DH2 draws the line.[/quote]

Stepdad is not the father.  These kids have two parents.  These kids have their own grandkids.  It will never be equal nor should be.[/quote]

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