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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]New poster. Married nearly 30 years. OP, I've copied two of the earlier posts from above to emphasize them:

"It’s a combination. It’s important to have a partner who meets a few of your key needs and is on the same page about big things you want in life- marriage, kidsC where to live, religion, whatever. I wouldn’t get too caught up in the more abstract things like what his parents marriage looks like. It’s nice to fall madly in love but as we get older it’s just naturally a calmer process.

Focus on the things that are really important to you- and I don’t mean things like height or income- and the rest is gravy."

"Can you let your hair down and be yourself? Can you be silly, vulnerable? Do they “get” your quirks? If you’re constantly regulating yourself in order to present some image, this isn’t the person for you.

Is this person a “safe place to fall?” If something happened to you—lost a job, death or serious illness with a parent—would this person be there as a support, or would they be inconvenienced?"

The above posts are good. Especially the "safe place to fall" post. I would add that it's not just about losing a job, having a death in the family or going through a parent's serious illness -- it's also about knowing that this person is going to be there for you even if YOU are the one who gets ill and possibly is altered permanently. Will your partner stay if you were injured or ill and it profoundly changed your body and looks, sex life, ability to work and earn, ability to help care for your kids, prospects for both your futures forever (maybe unable to travel much if at all, etc.)? If the answer is "I don't know" or "I doubt it" you need to do some very serious talking. It's not a scenario people want to picture in their heads but it's a very real one. [/quote]

+100. [/quote]

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