Reply to How much do you spend on extended family for Christmas?

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that as the sister whose brother stopped giving gifts (birthday) the year he got married (at his wife's request) and who has been asked not to give gifts to them for Christmas (including the children, one of whom is a godchild), this can actually hurt, a lot.  There is not a financial issue for anyone involved.  The SIL does not believe in gifts (finds them wasteful) and re-gifts when she does gift.  I know I shouldn't be hurt about it, but I am, and I can't shake it.

Probably, the "can't shake it" stems from the year that she had my brother go to my parents and get the receipts for all the gifts my mother had gotten her children.  She returned all the gifts and brought the money back to my mother (who is disabled and whose pleasure lies in giving things to the children, because other than spending time listening to them play -- she is legally blind and deaf in addition to restricted mobility).  My mother was devastated, hurt because of the perceived "rejection" and sad because she had chosen things the children would like.

My point is this:  if there are family who really want to participate in giving, particularly when there are children, please engage in a discussion about the practice.  As in our case, you may learn that a lot of "love labor" goes into this and that it means more than one would imagine.  Thanks for letting me get this out; you can tell it still bothers me. . . .
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