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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Was it a gut reaction or something very logical?

What I am struggling with is I tend to look at partners. I know one thing that will be in my head if/when I find someone is ‘each of us has failed a lot up until this point’. This makes sense or we would t be single, but it is a nagging thought in my head and I don’t know how to get pass it.[/quote]

There are many reasons why people are not married at 33 (or whatever age) -- it's not a matter of failing.  If you're able to switch your perspective and be able to accept that it isn't "failure" but that it was something else.  People have other priorities and aren't ready for a life partner or know they aren't grown up/mature/able to handle a serious relationship.  That is far from failing.

DH and I were from different religions and but also had pretty clear ideas of what we were looking for.  The religion part forced us both to really think about what we wanted and what was important to us in a marriage and family.  So, no room for a gut reaction there. We had to think it through and understand what we were getting in each other and what we wouldn't have.  Also, seeing what his parents relationship was like was important for me--because our parents model what marriage looks like--for good or bad.  How can you know what a healthy relationship looks like if you didn't group up seeing one lived out every day?  As unromantic as all this sounds, I've got a marriage that of course isn't perfect, but it's solid.  We've been married 13 years although have known each other for over 20.[/quote]

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