Reply to Getting family to pick up after themselves without nagging and nitpicking

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[quote=Anonymous]There are two steps you need to take here: the first is communication.  You need to sit down with your husband and get on the same page with the standards you will share.  Explain how this has made you feel - you're not their maid, and there is no reason a grown man cannot use his eyes and see mess and clutter.  You also need to listen to him -- what are his standards, and what will you sacrifice so that this is a true compromise?  What are your needs and what are your wants?  This has to be a honest and candid conversation, and when you come to an agreement, write it down.

The second is consequences - this is for everyone in the house, including your son.  Be clear on what the expectations are, and what will happen if they're not met.  That frees you from nagging and nitpicking - don't remind, don't hint, don't twist yourself into knots trying to find ways to encourage them to pick up after themselves.  They will do X, otherwise Y will happen.  For example, the living room floor/coffee table/whatever needs to be picked up by 8:30pm.  Anything still on there after that point goes in a trash bag that's stored in the garage.  On trash day, it goes out.

I'm generally the neater one in our relationship, and one thing that's helped me is to pick a room that's most important to you.  For me, it's the kitchen.  Everywhere else in the house is clean to the standards we compromised on, and I'm fine with that.  But I do the extra work to make sure the kitchen is clean to my standards (in other words, we both get the kitchen to our agreed on standards, and then I do a little more cleaning).  It's one room, so it's not that much effort, and it helps me to know that there is at least one oasis in the house.  [/quote]

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