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[quote=Anonymous]So many people you know have faced that.  Seriously.  You just don’t know.  It is a dirty secret kept between the couple and their therapists if they make it.

You can’t paint a broad brush.  Nobody’s circumstances or marriages or partners are the same.  Certainly there are some men and women cheaters that deserve to be divorced, maybe they even left if their own accord and didn’t want to work on their marriage.

There are people that see the hurt and would never think of doing it again because they had to face the pain and destruction of the person they loved and valued the most.  Jay-Z and Letterman did an interview discussing their personal infidelities and commented similar.

What you see on TV and in movies is bogus.  They do not show anything about the aftermath in a marriage.

If a marriage was really good and family kids happy AND the cheater has shown true remorse and made Herculean effort to change, including therapy for a very long time you can end up with a person better than the one you married and relationship better than those with no cheating but animosity, boredom and contempt.  We all knows those miserable couples—but hey none of them cheated, right?  They are miserable though.

The implosion can cause great change for the better ultimately because nothing is off topic and nobody is limping through or not being held accountable.

I realize the hurt of the one poster whose father was a serial cheater, but many kids have ZERO idea their mother or father cheated at one point.  Zero.  I have a friend whose mother confessed at 70 when she was having trouble in her own relationship that her dad had a brief affair in midlife.  It blew her mind because what she saw was a loving happy couple that she felt she couldn’t live up to.

Your heartbreak, your rules.  He should be doing all the work at this point and forever transparent.

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