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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I an sorry, Op,  a lot of us have been through it and especially if he is committed to treatment/therapy, you can get through it over time and you can be better as a couple. Let him do the work that is his. Take care of yourself.  The old marriage is over, but you can rebuild.  I remember reading something that captured how it is. The landscape of your marriage is altered, and there is now this different aspect added to the landscape, but it is not the whole picture. You won’t ever forget but you can live with it and he may be a better, more loving husband. Mine is. It changed and humbled us both, it absolutely brought me to my knees and was the worst pain i have known. (His was emotional). But somehow he mustered the will to do the work of repair and it made all the difference. Sending my best wishes to you. You are not alone.[/quote]

I posted above. Ours was about 4 years ago, the marriage is healthier, we have been through hell together and are now in a really good place.  I stayed for the following :
1. Despite our having neglected our marriage and having been in a bad patch due to focusing on work children, etc. when it happened,  we loved each other and had a strong foundation.
2. I saw his pain at having caused mine. It was not what he said. It was me observing and seeing his shame, remorse and suffering. It was real, I knew it was real pain for me and it helped me.
3. He was able to bear all of my strong reactions and did what i said i needed him to do. (Therapy, ending it, answering all my questions, etc)
4. I was able to understand over time what made him do it. It's not an excuse. But over time i got it viscerally. And we talked about it and faced it. That helped.
5.  We had two young children and a 20 year history. I wanted to save the marriage, although it took me time to know for sure.
6. I have no regrets. I chose to stay, understanding there are no guarantees and whatever happens, I know I am a strong person and will survive, irrespective of what he does. I trust myself.
Good luck. You have time, no need to decide anything,just  take it one day at a time. And be kind to yourself. It's a traumatic thing you have been through. 
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