Reply to Wife wants to move closer to family

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Reply to "Wife wants to move closer to family - but am I committed enough?"

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[quote=Anonymous]By city what do you mean?

I wouldn’t want to live in the city or parent there, though part of this is that we parent based on what we know.  I grew up in the suburbs, so I know what activities are and are not appropriate for my kids, and I know how to teach them the skills for them to enjoy themselves safely. 
 
What does your wife hope to experience or do or gain by moving back to her hometown?

As for you, you are correct in your concerns, though I wouldn’t view her feelings as not appreciating what you have given her… if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t like it.

Both of you seem very wedded if you will to what you want. 
Are your friends her friends?  Can she do the things she wants to do? 
I have this vision of you enjoying the fun city life where she is looking out her window thinking “I’d love for the kids to be able to go outside and play with the garden hose but I can’t because we don’t have a garden hose and if we did, there is too much other stuff around here for the kids to play with it without disrupting the neighbors or people walking by”.

Is she the one stuck entertaining kids while you are at work?  Is she thinking “I’d know exactly what to do if I had the space or environment”?

As for you, what is it that you don’t like about her home town?  Can you be specific?

My husband grew up in a small town.  I wouldn’t live there.  Some of the people are wonderful and some are not.  The ones who are not tend to have all kinds of weird ideas ranging from the harmless to the potentially marriage ending. Things like “Obama isn’t a citizen” to “masks are dumb” to “Jack has been going out with another woman.. does his wife know” only to refuse to believe that the “other woman” was Jack’s sister.

Really listen to what your wife has to say and tell her what you are worried about. Don’t view your lifestyle as a gift, remember gifts can be given away or not accepted.

Also make sure your wife feels included in your activities.  I don’t mean “hey honey, if you can find someone to watch the kids, come on out with us” with the subtext being “and if you can’t, I’ll see you later” but make sure the two of you are spending as much time together as possible.  Don’t hide behind your work or your friends or your activities or your family to avoid seeing and hearing what she’s telling you.   
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