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[quote=Anonymous]My father is a very fragile, insecure, explosive person. Hair-trigger temper and a frightening, literally mouth-frothing volatility. A monster.

Growing up with a parent like that is like walking on eggshells or in a minefield. Choose your metaphor. You never knew what would set him off and how explosive the outburst will be or if it was your "turn". I was a very timid, shy child, constantly second-guessing myself even when I knew I was right.

At the same time, I knew how important image was to my parents, so I became an expert at compartmentalizing and bottling things up. I was a high achiever in school and in all activities because I didn't want to give him a reason to pick on me. I was extremely hard on myself. I developed an eating disorder at 14 because I heard the things my dad said about overweight people and knew that if I gained just a little weight, it would give him a reason.

As a young adult, I was a people pleaser. I didn't rock the boat. Confrontation scared me. I shut down in stressful situations. Fortunately, I had the wherewithal to make an appointment with the counseling center almost the moment I stepped on campus in college. It's been a process of healing every since.

So yes, get help for your spouse. Or leave, for your and your kids' sakes. These issues are very difficult to fix, and childhood abuse is the gift that keeps on giving.[/quote]

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